My name’s Hamish Noah and I’m from London.
I was diagnosed with HIV on 8th January 2020, two months before the UK went into the COVID lockdown. The months prior are quite blurry. I’d been using a lot of drugs, but I was starting to get unwell from time to time.
At first, it was just a chest infection. Then other symptoms random and disconnected but they kept coming. Deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I just wasn’t ready to face it. After a particularly heavy New Year’s Eve, I developed an eye infection. That’s when I finally took myself to a sexual health clinic.
The call came quickly: “Something’s come up on your test we need you to come in.”
Time stood still. I remember feeling numb. I was on a crystal meth come-down. Anxious. Paranoid. I was an absolute fucking state. It didn’t feel real. I’d convinced myself I’d been careful enough, that this couldn’t happen to me. But it did. From that moment on, everything changed.
My CD4 count was under 200, and I was diagnosed at late-stage (what the WHO defines as AIDS). Due to my lifestyle of drug use and sleep deprivation, my immune system had plummeted much, much quicker than the average person.
Looking back, that diagnosis saved my life. It forced me to stop running. For years, I’d been pretending I was okay – to friends, family, and myself. But I wasn’t. I was buried in shame. HIV didn’t just change my body, it changed the person I’d become. It gave me a reason to turn things around.
In those early weeks, I stopped using drugs. I started journaling, meditating, resting more. I went to recovery meetings. My partner at the time was my biggest support she helped save my life.
My doctor (at the amazing NHS clinic that I went to) said that providing I took my meds as prescribed, I’d be undetectable in about 6 months. Despite this, it took more like 6 weeks. My life had changed again, knowing that I couldn’t pass on HIV.
But getting well physically was only part of the journey. The shame ran deep. Shame from addiction. From how I’d been living. From the stigma surrounding HIV. I’ve felt it from strangers and from people close to me. That shame kept me silent for years.
The support I received made all the difference. Terrence Higgins Trust and Positively UK connected me with people who had walked this path before me. Peer support, therapy, and a team of NHS staff who truly cared helped me recover and build a life that I’m proud of.
Today, I’m five years into living with HIV – and I feel stronger than I ever have. I don’t live in extremes anymore. I no longer abuse my body. I live with purpose. And honestly, I’m grateful for the diagnosis. Because if it hadn’t happened, who knows what state I’d be in, I might not even be here.
Today, I’m a Recovery Coach and HIV Advocate. I help men overcome addiction through mindfulness, coaching, and community, supporting clients one-on-one and leading a recovery group. I create content every week to raise awareness and reduce stigma. I share my story to show what’s possible because I know how dark those early days can be.
If someone had told me in 2020 what my life would be like today, I wouldn’t have believed them. But now I know: what feels like the end can be the beginning of something better.
I used to think HIV was the worst thing that could happen to me. Now, I know it was the best thing. It forced me to confront my demons, to stop running, to finally become the person I was always meant to be. I wouldn’t trade who I am now for anything, not even to go back to being negative.